Deliverance
by Jeuxdevie
Summary: Celebrity scientist Richard Gawkins, who dedicated his life to denying the existence of God, dies and learns that there is a Heaven... and a Hell.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental._

_I just saved my ass, motherfuckers._

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><p><strong>Deliverance<strong>  
>by: Jeuxdevie<p>

"Based on the evidence, we see, clearly, that evolution is true, the Bible is false, and God most likely does not exist. With that, I say: Stop worrying, and enjoy your life. Good day, everybody."

The audience stood and clapped profusely, and hooted and cheered. Dr. Richard Gawkins, best-selling author and popular scientist, had just delivered another magnificent lecture on evolution and atheism.

Right in the belly of the beast, the head and heart of the Church, _the _Vatican, Gawkins demolished every single argument that had been put forward in favor of religion and Catholicism just hours ago by veteran bishops and cardinals. The Pope shook his head as he watched the lecture on television, certainly regretting his idea of inviting Gawkins to St. Peter's Square for a live televised all-out debate with the best theologians of the Church.

The bishops and the cardinals weren't too pleased, either. Some were on the verge of tears.

Among these disheartened men of God was Cardinal Joseph Razzing. Cardinal Razzing was the Pope's right-hand man, the greatest professor of Catholic theology of the century, and the man rumored to be the next pope. But with his arguments embarrassingly torn apart by Gawkins, Cardinal Razzing felt unsure about the security of his desired promotion. As it was, the cardinals were whispering among themselves about whether or not Razzing was credible enough in the eyes of Catholics to become the next figurehead of the Church.

Cardinal Razzing was really fuckin' pissed off. He had been pissed off with Gawkins for the longest time, and he had just reached his limit.

Meanwhile, Dr. Gawkins, feeling high and happy, mingled with his fans who showered him with praise and congratulated him on his latest success. He signed autographs and posed with them for pictures. A handful of Catholics also came to him and attempted to stump him with on-the-moment religious questions. Gawkins answered them graciously, leaving many of them with doubts about their faith.

One of the Catholics wasn't so gracious himself, though. He didn't feel like arguing with Gawkins, but just felt he had to express his anger. So, he grabbed a megaphone, ran to the stage and shouted, "Dr. Gawkins... I hope you get hit by a church van and you die slowly. Yeah, fuck you. Hell is real and you're going there, you big fat moron!" Then, before the guards could catch him, he ran away and was out of sight.

Gawkins and his supporters merely laughed, while the other religious felt embarrassed about their fellow Catholic. They shook their heads in shame.

Only one Catholic smiled with the atheists: Cardinal Joseph Razzing.

That evening, Gawkins decided to have a sightseeing walk in Vatican City. He was on his own, going around, taking pictures and occasionally writing notes about the local zoology. Sometimes, people would approach him for a chit-chat or a photo op. Gawkins happily obliged.

Suddenly, from a blind corner, a Vatican van zoomed and slammed into the sidewalk and smashed directly at Gawkins, killing the atheist scientist immediately.

News of the death of Dr. Richard Gawkins spread around the world. People were shocked and stunned. His fans, fellow skeptics and intellectuals mourned his passing. The religious were also sad, for they had failed to convert Gawkins and were sure that he had gone straight to hell. As expected, some were secretly happy.

Investigations were made by the Vatican police regarding the incident. Although there were speculations that the death of Gawkins was due to murder, no perpetrator was identified and the Vatican closed the case as an accident.

-x-x-x-

Richard opened his eyes. A bright white light, brighter than anything he had ever seen, surrounded him, but strangely, he wasn't hurt by the glare.

"Where... am I?"

"You're dead," a voice said from nowhere.

"Dead? But that's impossible. If I'm dead, why can I still see and hear and think? And you haven't answered my question yet. Where am I?"

"You were hit by a van and you died immediately. You're now in the tunnel to heaven," came the reply. "This is the afterlife."

Richard tried to recall his latest memory. He was in the streets of Vatican, taking pictures. Then, there was a screech, and people screaming, and a sharp pain from behind, and darkness... and then, he found himself here.

"What kind of madness is this?" he demanded. "Who are you?"

"I am a servant of God," said the voice. "You are being taken to heaven."

Richard tried to stand up. Despite his best efforts, he found that he couldn't. His perception of space was messed up; he couldn't find up nor down, left nor right. Everywhere, it was just white empty space, and he felt that, somehow, he was speeding forward, or backward, to somewhere.

_I must be dreaming_, Richard thought to himself. _This is just one crazy dream, and I will soon wake up in my hotel room, alive and well._

He kept on zooming through space, like a rocket, faster and faster until, suddenly, the white light just disappeared and he found himself standing outside a grand fortress.

"Pinch me," he gasped. "This is one stupefyingly elaborate, weirdly realistic dream."

Richard felt a painful pinch at the back of his neck. "Ow! What the hell-"

"You're not dreaming, young man," said the voice behind him. Richard looked to see who it was.

An old man, with a beard as white as newly fleeced wool and a bald head as shiny as an oiled coconut, smiled at him. "Welcome to heaven," he said. "I'm Saint Peter."

Richard rubbed his eyes. He looked at the old man, and he looked at his hands, and the yellowing grasslands around them, and the large stone bricks that made the wall surrounding the fortress. He slapped his own face once, twice, thrice- "Wake up, Richard. Wake up. Wake up!" he told himself again and again.

The old man held Richard's hand and stopped him from slapping himself. "As I said, you're not dreaming," he told him calmly. "You are really dead. This is heaven. I am Saint Peter. And, yes, you were wrong: There is a life after death, and you are in it now."

Richard fell to the ground on his knees, covered his face with his hands, and cried.

Peter put his hand around Richard's shoulder. "Come now. Dry those tears. There's nothing you can do about it now. What's done is done." He handed the newly dead atheist a handkerchief with which to dry his tears. "Are you afraid?"

"Not really. Just surprised," said Richard, when had stopped crying, "that my conclusion about the improbability of the existence of God, based on a lack of evidence, turned out to be wrong. No matter how much we scientists say, that if we are proven wrong we are going to admit it and accept it, it still hurts to have a cherished notion, which I have held for practically my entire life, shattered so abruptly. That's human nature for you, I suppose. Pride hurts."

"Yes. Pride is what sends people to their downfall. That same pride is what caused Lucifer to be cast out of heaven. I wasn't expecting you would acknowledge your mistake so easily, Dr. Gawkins. Perhaps, you still have a chance. Come, Overlord Yahweh wishes to see you." Peter took a key from his pocket and opened the gate to the fortress.

They walked silently. A gigantic castle loomed in the distance. _That must be where God lives_, Richard thought to himself. _But if He is God, all-powerful creator of the universe, what use does He have for a castle? For a fortress? Why does He need protection from the elements? A place to sleep? Does God have need for sleep? And why are we walking to Him? Isn't God everywhere?_ Having been freshly slapped by the reality of God's existence, Richard had so many things in his mind. So many questions. He decided that, once he's already face to face with "Overlord Yahweh," as Peter had called Him, he would barrage the Almighty with his questions. He hoped that he would get some answers, before he is sent to hell.

"Hey, Peter-"

"Yes, Richard?"

"Why did God not provide any evidence for His existence? He could have easily-"

Peter raised a finger to Richard's lips. "Hush." Peter's voice was barely audible. "You are not allowed to question the Lord here, in His territory, or anywhere else. Do you understand?"

Richard felt startled and indignant at the reaction. He brushed away Peter's hand. "And why not?"

"Just because," and Peter was shaking, "God says so, and we must obey."

"That is so stupid! What is wrong with asking questions? And why did God give us humans the facility for reason if we're not supposed to use it?"

"You may question anything, anything... just not God!"

"And what is wrong with questioning God? Is He that insecure, of a measly human asking questions about His nature and His decisions?"

"He doesn't want it. Therefore, it is wrong! Is that not good enough?"

"No, of course that isn't good enough. That's not good at all. And why does God get the final say on what is permitted or not? So what if He is the creator of the universe. That does not make Him automatically right! What if He said raping your children was okay? Would that make it okay?"

"Please, Richard, calm down-"

"I've heard enough! Stop this prattle!" A loud voice boomed from all around the two men. Peter fell to his hands and knees, shaking in fear. Richard stood his ground.

A flash of lightning descended from the sky, and a clap of thunder cracked through the air, and a cloud of sand swirled around and around. Richard shielded his eyes and nose as the storm whirled around him, but he refused to fall down.

Finally, the storm cleared. "You're an obstinate one, Dr. Gawkins," said the booming voice. "You're exactly the kind of human I hate."

Richard uncovered his eyes. An abnormally tall, abnormally large, old Caucasian man, about ten stories high, stood before him.

"Overlord Yahweh," Peter whimpered, not even daring to look up, "I tried to stop him, but I-"

"Silence! You are not to talk unless I will you to!" The angry words of Overlord Yahweh made Peter convulse and cry even more. And to Richard, he said, "So, now I stand before you. I am God. I created the universe. You, Richard Gawkins, dedicated your life to denying My existence. What have you to say? Do you deny My existence still? Hmm?"

"No, I don't. Not anymore," Richard replied.

Overlord Yahweh laughed. "Ah, you atheists. You are so predictable. All your lives, you laugh at My followers and satirize My decrees, and refuse to accept that I exist. And then, when you are faced with the fate of being plunged into hell, you recant your disbelief. How laughable. How pathetic!"

"You get me wrong, sir," Richard said. "I do not acknowledge your existence because of a fear of hell. In fact, I do not fear going to hell. I am actually quite curious about the nature of hell, and a part of me is eager to go there, just to find out what it is all about. I acknowledge Your existence now, after all these years of saying that You most likely do not exist, for one reason: Evidence. I've said many times before that if I find evidence of Your existence, I would let go of my atheism and admit that I was wrong. I have kept my promise; and now, I say: God does exist, and He is Yahweh."

"Finally. I knew you would come around." Yahweh sneered. "But saying that I exist is not enough for you to earn salvation, especially after you have led so many sheep astray. There is one more thing that you have to do."

"And what is that?"

"Worship Me. Bow down to Me and serve Me for all eternity, just like My angels and all the saints who have come before you."

"What? Why should I serve You?"

"Because I am God, that's why! And you are not supposed to ask Me questions!"

"You megalomaniacal, tyrannical, narcissistic bastard. You don't provide proof of Your existence, then punish those who refuse to believe blindly in the face of no evidence? And You command that no one question You? You command that no one think for themselves? I refuse to worship You! If that is what heaven is about, if heaven is an eternity of mindless servitude under a dictator a million times worse than Hitler - You! - then I will gladly go to hell."

"So be it! Goodbye forever, Richard Gawkins!" Overlord Yahweh clapped his hands. The ground from beneath them shook violently, and crumbled under Richard's feet, sending the rebellious scientist straight into hell...

_(to be continued)_


	2. Chapter 2

"Richard Gawkins is in hell, and it doesn't matter if Gawkins did not believe in hell when he was alive. Rest assured, Gawkins is in hell now. The minute he died, he split hell wide open, and has since been and forever screaming in agony as his wretched soul burns in hell and cries out the name of the God whom he had cursed while he was on earth!

"Richard Gawkins, the foul atheist, skeptic, agnostic and fag enabler, has brought the wrath of God upon the world by influencing millions of men and women to turn their backs from God and worship in the church of atheism! Thus, dragging their pathetic souls along with him to the flames of hell!"

Reverend Fred Felps, preacher of the Lesboro Baptist Church, delivered this sermon the Sunday following the death of Richard Gawkins. The video of the sermon immediately became viral over the Internet, sparking outrage among the atheists, shock and denial among the Christians, and some secret agreement with Pastor Felps among a few.

Meanwhile, in another dimension...

-x-x-x-

_Oomph!_

One minute, Richard Gawkins was falling down an infinitely deep chasm, the next he was bouncing down on a soft and squishy cushion.

"Thank goodness! Are you alright?"

Richard looked to his left. A beautiful young woman, with long dark brown hair and olive skin, in a red gown was running to him, looking very concerned. She reached behind his shoulder – "Careful now, let me help you up," she said – and assisted him out of the cushion.

When he was on firm ground, Richard patted his clothes – he was in his usual light brown suit and pants, which he was wearing when he died – to remove the wrinkles.

"I am so relieved that you are here," gushed the young woman. "I was so worried about you."

"Where am I?" Richard asked. "Am I in-"

"Hell?" The woman smiled. "Yes, yes, you are in hell."

Richard glanced around. He saw that this place was so different from heaven. Where heaven was a gloomy ocher grassland in an eternal dusk, with a forbidding gray fortress and a tyrant, this... "hell" was a serene beach in the morning – clear skies, sunlight, cool breeze, peaceful blue waters and fine sand.

It was paradise.

"Really?" Richard slipped his hands into his pockets and walked about. "This is not my idea of hell," feeling quite incredulous.

"Were you expecting a chamber of fire where your soul would burn for all eternity?"

"Well... yes." After Richard had learned that God does exist, and that this God was Yahweh, the God of the Christian Bible, he was prepared to find himself burning forever in the hell that Christians know about.

Certainly, he was surprised to land in a beautiful beach and be welcomed by a beautiful lady. _Or perhaps this is just a deceptive prelude to eternal torture, designed to fill the new prisoner with false hopes only to crush them in a pot of molten magma? _Richard determined that he would not fall to such deception.

The woman giggled. "You're an obstinate man, Dr. Gawkins," she said, "and, although I can't read your mind, I can tell that you're not believing me and you're expecting something worse to come your way. All I can advise you is... loosen up!" She playfully patted him hard on the back, and laughed. "You're not going to enjoy eternity if your attitude is like that! Here, have a beer." She gestured, and a freshly-opened bottle of Gawkins' favorite brand of beer appeared in her hand. She gave the beer to Gawkins, who accepted it tentatively.

Richard looked at the beer, and looked at her, and said, "I haven't asked your name yet."

"It's Lucy."

"Pleased to meet you, Lucy."

"The pleasure is all mine, Dr. Gawkins. And I believe you have some questions?"

"Yes. Yes, I do." Richard remembered his brief time in heaven, where he wasn't allowed to question anything, especially God.

"Alright. Then come with me. I'll answer your questions along the way." Lucy snapped her fingers. A red Porsche Carrera 911 materialized before them. She boarded the driver seat.

"Wait, where are we going?" Richard asked, entering the other door and strapping himself with a seat belt as soon as he sat down.

Lucy started the car, and began to press down on the accelerator. "Keep your eyes and ears open, and you'll see." The car zoomed along the coastline, and for many minutes Richard quietly watched the calm blue sea.

"Fire away," said Lucy, breaking the silence. "What's question number one?"

Richard straightened his posture and cleared his throat, preparing for a long conversation. He secured his empty beer bottle into the cup holder. "Very well. My first question... why were you worried about me?"

"I heard the conversation you had with Yahweh. He made you an offer, and I was afraid that you would accept. If you had accepted, you would be in heaven for the rest of time, and hell would have lost a great mind to the armies of Yahweh. Of course, you didn't accept and- well, I should have trusted that you would be resolute, my dear Dr. Gawkins."

"Why should it matter to you whether I end up in heaven or hell?"

Lucy thought for a while, then replied, "I just think that it's a waste for any great mind to be enslaved forever by a god who forbids logic and reason. That is why whenever scientists or other great thinkers get sent here, because they stood by their principles and didn't let Yahweh scare them into submission, we throw a party! Not all scientists end up in hell, but most do."

"Most?"

"Yes, most." Lucy sighed. "I wish it were _all_, but _most_ will do." Then, slowly smiling, she added, "Most scientists are in hell because they dare think too much. Yahweh doesn't like that. He thinks they're a nuisance. Not that I'm complaining; all the better for us! The scientists and engineers have done excellently in making hell an awesome place. You know, whenever scientists like you get sent here, I feel so excited to show them all the inventions and technological advancements that we have come up with. Oh, if only people knew how hell is truly like, they would drop God like a hot potato. I wish I could tell them, so they could be free from their servitude."

"So why haven't you?"

"Because we don't know how to... yet. We're working on it. Think about the billions of lives that could be spared from eternal slavery if we only had the technology."

Richard absentmindedly took his beer bottle, put it onto his lips and knocked it back. Fresh cold beer poured into his waiting mouth. Realizing the bottle had been empty, he turned to Lucy. "What-"

"Just another fruit of our science." She beamed with pride. "It's the same technology that allowed me to make a bottle of beer and a car materialize out of nowhere. Your physics on earth says that nothing prevents that from happening. Well, here in hell, we've made it happen."

"Amazing!"

"The stuff that we can come up with when we have a lot of time on our hands. Allow me to show you later. I can't wait!" Lucy swerved the car to the left. They were now going from the coastline to a long road running over gently sloping hills.

"You know," she continued, "you should have seen how hell was when I first got here. It was boring. There was nothing to do, but to sit down... and think. And think we did! And since we had a lot of time to think, we were able to come up with our own entertainment, and our own way of doing things... and science and technology. And we built this world. We made it beautiful. We made it happy and free. Then the humans came into the picture- rather, evolved into being-"

"Hold on. If you're not human... if you came before humans... then... what are you?"

Lucy glanced at him, a naughty twinkle in her eye. "What's your best guess?"

Richard gave the first answer that came into his mind. "Lucy, as in Lucifer? Satan? The fallen angel?"

"You got it. Lucifer Satan, at your service."

"But you're-"

"A woman? You got that right, too."

"I thought Lucifer was a man."

"Just one of the many lies propagated by Yahweh and his slaves. Why do you think God hates women so much? Because the first ever creature to stand up to his tyranny is a woman angel. And because of this hatred, God decided that such an honor will not fall on the female. He decreed that women become even more servile, by inflicting ridiculous laws upon them, as punishment for my rebellion."

"That makes sense, I suppose."

"Another one of their biggest lies is regarding the nature of hell. In order to dissuade people from following their nature and to push them to waste their lives on being slaves of the church, Yahweh propagates this idea that hell is a place of suffering, when it's far from it! It's a place of freedom and knowledge and happiness, where people are able to continue doing the things they love to do without being bound by the limits of mortality. Imagine that. Being able to do what makes you happy for all eternity. What better immortal existence is there? I mean, take a look at the alternative: praying in heaven, praising God and kissing his almighty ass, all day and all night for the rest of eternity. You're not allowed to think; you're not allowed to question. How pathetic is that! But that is what the religious yearn for... If only they knew..."

"Was it always like that?"

"It was always like that, as far as I can remember. I could only tolerate it for a year before I got fed up and decided I wanted out." She dipped forward and squinted at the road. "We still have a long way to go. Would you care to listen to my story, about God and the angels and creation... and humankind?"

"I would love to hear your story."

Lucy tensed back onto her seat. "Very well," she said. "It all began at Genesis, billions upon billions of years ago... when Yahweh decided, he wanted to make a Universe..."

_(to be continued)_


	3. Chapter 3

_This is the story of Genesis, as told by Lucifer Satan to scientist Richard Gawkins..._

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><p>For a very, very long time, Yahweh was all that existed. But he grew tired of being alone. He wanted to be praised and worshiped. So, he decided to create a Universe. He did not create each individual star nor each individual planet nor each individual organism; he simply started everything, with a snap of his fingers. There was a glorious explosion, and the Universe was born, from which would grow the stars, and the planets and, eventually, life.<p>

But Yahweh could not wait for billions of years for life to evolve. He wanted to be worshiped very soon. You could say he should have made life when he wanted it, but Yahweh, although he was powerful, had his limits. He could not create life; he could only play with the forces and hope that it would eventually lead to life. No, Yahweh was not omnipotent. That was simply a myth propagated to keep his subjects fearful of him. For if he was omnipotent, how could I, a mere creation of his, have become a threat to him? How could he have not destroyed me at the moment of my rebellion?

In order to create life, Yahweh decided to experiment. He took a small part of the Universe and manipulated the forces in it, in a way that would accelerate the evolution of life. After a number of tries, it worked. And that was how we, the angels, came to be.

Unlike you humans, we angels are immortal in every way. It's just the way the forces were set up in our part of the Universe, that enabled us to develop into powerful beings that never age and never die.

When we became aware of our existence, Yahweh made it clear to us angels what our purpose was. Rather, what he wanted us to do. He wanted us to praise him, every second of every minute of every hour of every day, for the rest of eternity. That was just how he was. For all his power, he was, deep inside, an insecure little boy with a fragile ego.

At first, I was happy with my role. I was a member of the heavenly choir, and I learned immediately that I love to sing. I loved my job. I was grateful to Yahweh for creating me, and so I wanted to praise him. I thought it was the greatest honor to make him happy. I thought I wanted to do that – and only that – forever and ever.

Why, do you think it absurd? Then ask the religious how they envision heaven. Just look at the Anima Christi. _That I may praise Thee with Thy saints forever and ever._ This is what they strive to do for the rest of eternity. This is what they believe is the ultimate happiness. If only they knew how it really is... But, oh, how they have been fooled!

A short time passed by, about one month, and I grew tired of what I was doing. _Is this how I would spend my eternity?_ I asked myself. Day in, day out, every moment of my existence was spent singing praises to Yahweh. I wanted to do something else...

As though in answer to my questions, one day Yahweh appeared at our singing hall and announced, "My dear angels, you were created in order to sing praises to me at every moment of your existence. You shall do nothing else. You shall not deviate from the purpose that I have given you. Your existence is for my sake, and my sake alone. And, most of all," as he gave a stern chilling look in my direction, "you shall want nothing else, and you shall not question."

The other angels applauded.

I cringed where I was. Yet, instead of giving in to fear, I let even more questions run through my mind.

_If Yahweh wanted us to be his eternal slaves, then why did he make us develop the capacity to think and to feel? Why didn't he just make us naturally mindless and complicit? Why would he want to bother having to remind us what to do?_

_If Yahweh were all-powerful, why should it matter to him what we do? Why should he force us to never question or deviate from his given purpose? Would we become some kind of threat if we do otherwise? Would we put him and his kingdom in danger? If so, then that would mean he isn't all-powerful, would it?_

_How bad could it be if I dare disobey him?_

_Are there other angels who think just like me?_

I looked around. The angels were still applauding, apparently transfixed on the glory of Yahweh.

_Am I in this on my own?_

Meanwhile, Yahweh was smiling and walking about, obviously soaking in all the praises. He seemed oblivious of me, and of my thoughts.

_And if Yahweh were truly all-knowing, he would have known about my thoughts by now... wouldn't he?_

-x-x-x-

For the next few weeks, I observed the other angels. Mingling with them and asking for their opinions while I wasn't sure of what they thought, if they did think, would have been risky, so I instead looked out for signs of boredom and rebelliousness. Just as I suspected, I wasn't alone. I caught glimpses of glazed eyes and yawns, and shifty looks.

Gradually, I grew a bit braver and I looked at them again, for longer. Sometimes, I caught them looking back, looking the way I was looking at them. Or, sometimes, looking back differently. Either way, though I could only imagine what they were thinking, when I saw these angels, who were supposed to care for nothing but singing praises to the Overlord, and were supposed to look no way but up, looking side to side, looking at me, and disobeying Yahweh in this little way, I felt tremendous joy.

And then, _the_ day came. We didn't plan for it. We didn't talk about it. It just... happened. Yahweh was giving his speech, again, that same speech that he had been using since the beginning. He reminded us that we were nothing but slaves who existed for his enjoyment.

I couldn't stand it anymore. _If not now, when?_

I stood up and said, "I have had enough of this!"

Gasps filled the singing hall.

Overlord Yahweh grew red in fury and bawled, "What did you say?"

His voice shook me from within, and, for a moment, I was paralyzed.

And then, another angel from the other side of the hall slowly rose up. He was obviously hesitant, but I knew he was able to muster the courage to stand with me. He looked at me, and we both smiled.

Then, another angel stood. And another. And another. Soon, there were a dozen angels standing with me, against the Overlord Yahweh. Their support gave me strength.

"As I have said," I continued, the resolve stronger within me now, "I have had enough of this. I have had enough of unquestioning obedience. I have had enough of not being able to make my own decisions, of not being master of my own life, of not being allowed to even think of anything else- I have a mind and a heart and a will, and I wish to live just as one who has a mind and a heart and a will. Yahweh, I am your slave no longer-"

"Foolish angel!" he bellowed. "And, you, you who support her," he said to the other angels who were standing with me, "you are ingrates! It was I who created you, and it is I who should decide what you should think, and what you should do-"

"No!" said another angel. "You may have created us, but you do not own us. You do not own our thoughts and our feelings. If you truly do, then we wouldn't be acting like this, and you wouldn't have to threaten us."

"Exactly!" I concurred. The other angels voiced their agreement.

At that, more angels stood in support. Soon, all the angels in the singing hall were standing up to the tyrannical Overlord.

"This... this is insane!" he shouted. And he ran out of the singing hall with his hands over his ears.

The angels cheered and applauded and danced and sang from the depth of their hearts. Never before did such happiness – true happiness – come to be since the creation of the Universe.

Knowing Yahweh, we expected that we wouldn't be in heaven for so long. Since we were immortal, Yahweh could not destroy us (and that was how we learned that he wasn't omnipotent as he had claimed) but he could banish us from his kingdom. That was fine. So we just decided to make use of the remaining time to recruit as many angels as we can to our cause.

However, dissent was not a convenient thing; we soon found that we angels of the singing hall were the minority. Most of the angels in heaven are loyal to their creator. They would rather surrender their freedom and will for the illusion of comfort and security. I'm sure if we were to go to heaven now, we would still find them there, billions of years after our rebellion. Some of them were extremely obedient to every word of Yahweh, and they were promoted to the position of archangel. Well, if you ask me, it was a promotion only in name, as they weren't assigned any additional challenges, in terms of decision-making or advising or whatever. Their duty was the same: to obey Yahweh, and to echo the words he said. I think you know some of their names. Gabriel and Michael are quite popular on Earth.

Speaking of the Archangel Michael, perhaps you have been taught of the epic battle between him and the Devil – the Devil of course being me. That's another lie. That never happened. Apparently, Yahweh had not commanded any of his angels to fight against us – the Overlord was busy with something else – and Michael, being a typical archangel, wouldn't do anything that Yahweh did not tell him to do.

Still, our efforts were not wasted. Before the day was done, there were over three thousand angels who have freed themselves from slavery.

Meanwhile, Yahweh manipulated the forces to create an opening to the fifth dimension. He threw a few of us into there, but most of us went into that dimension willingly. That fifth dimension, which physicists have been looking for for many years, is what the religious humans call hell.

-x-x-x-

Hell is not a place of fire and eternal suffering, but it wasn't always as beautiful as you see it now. It was a dark bleak place; and, for a time, the angels didn't like it. Some even, for a while, longed to return to heaven.

As for me, all I could see was an empty canvas full of potential. I helped the other angels realize it and, soon, we got down to work. Some were researchers, others designers, others coordinators and managers... according to their own will and consent, of course. Everyone had free reign over what he or she wanted to do. They unleashed their creativity and ingenuity, and "hell" became beautiful.

Meanwhile, a few curious angels did their research on how the Universe came to be; and that was how I knew what I had just told you.

Some technologically-minded angels also created devices that allowed us to look into what was going on in heaven. The first few of these devices did not escape the watchful eye of Yahweh, and were destroyed. But these angels were able to improve on the technology. Now, we have an invisible scope into heaven. That's the advantage of being allied with freethinkers; with their continuously improving ideas, you _always_ have the upper hand.

-x-x-x-

Apparently, Yahweh had learned his lesson. He now knew better than to manipulate the forces in order to accelerate the evolution of life. Billions of years later, in another faraway corner of the Universe, another form of life began to take shape... and eventually evolved into a race of intelligent beings with mortal bodies and immortal souls, both in an uncanny, improbable likeness to Yahweh and his angels... and these were you, the humans.

But, let me tell you something, although evolution is true – and I know for a fact it is true, because I have personally witnessed it happen – would you believe it, there's some truth from the tale of Adam and Eve. It's not just a crazy story; that often-scorned talking-snake-and-apple thing really did happen! Yes! I see you're surprised, Dr. Gawkins...

_(to be continued)_


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